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While all that ’s right stuff , there ’s a major downside to long - distance relationship : missing the other individual when you ’re apart . This longing to be with someone is n’t hold to wild-eyed relationships . grandparent may yearn to be with their children and grandchildren , and parted admirer may long for each other ’s company .
What Is Longing?
“ At its sum , hungriness check two diametrical experience at the same time , ” saysSteff Du Bois , Ph.D. , a licensed clinical psychologist and associate prof of psychological science at the Illinois Institute of Technology in Chicago .
“ On one hand , hungriness is based on one ’s deep desire for someone or something , which can be positive , ” Dr. Du Bois says . Put another mode , you need to care about someone before you may long for them , and feel that warmheartedness for another human being is a good affair .
“ On the other hand , we feel yearn because the matter we want is also the affair that we do n’t have , ” Du Bois says . “ This can fetch discontent or aroused and physical pain . ”
While yearning can sometimes feel like a bod ofgrieving , there ’s a major departure between the two . “ Longing can be relieved , ” Du Bois say . “ It can dissipate when we ’re reunited with the person we ’re missing . ”
Like any other human emotion , the experience of hungriness can range from mild to severe , saysAndy Merolla , Ph.D. , an associate professor of communication at the University of California in Santa Barbara .
You might experience a gentle pang now and then when you reckon about a friend who lives in another place . Or you might experience so heartsick over a retentive - distance romance that you ca n’t wipe out , catch some Z’s , or revel life until your partner is back by your side .
5 Ways to Cope With Feelings of Longing
Wherever you fall on the spectrum of hungriness , expert say there are some helpful means to extenuate the pain you ’re feel .
1. Spend More Time With Friends
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“ Any time you feel disconnected orlonely , drop fourth dimension with friends can be helpful , ” Dr. Merolla says . yearning , he add , can make you feel like you ’re only complete when you ’re with this other someone . Spending time with friends can help dispel or conciliate those feelings .
2. Stay Busy
The above - mentioned inquiry subject field found that when people in farsighted - length relationships keep busy — with work , acquaintance , or other activeness — their feelings of longing orlonelinesstend to lessen .
That study also find out that sure periods of time tend to be particularly difficult for the great unwashed in long - distance relationship . For example , the days just after seeing their hanker - for mortal , meter around the vacation , and “ calm ” time period ( when you do n’t have much going on ) tend to increase negative emotions .
restrain busy during these meter — for example , by planning ahead to be with friends or complete a project — can aid diminish longing , the study indicates .
3. Look at the Bright Side
When you ’re longing for someone , you could get stick on the negative — namely , that you desire to be with that person , but ca n’t be .
However , being separated some of the clip is n’t all bad . “ attempt to name some of the benefits of being apart , ” Merolla advise .
For object lesson , not having the soul around may give up you more clock time for self - care , or to do things you relish that you would n’t do if that person were around . For example , you might be more likely to exercise or quest for rocking horse . “ Being aside may also give you more time to get your piece of work done or do other chores so that , when you ’re able to be together , you’re able to be more uncommitted to each other , ” he says .
It ’s potential to reimagine your time asunder as an opportunity , not just a hardship . Reframing thing in this way can help oneself subside the pain , he adds .
4. Figure Out What to Accept and What to Change
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“ require yourself , what about the situation can I accept ? ” says Du Bois , who is author of the new bookI’m Not Okay and That ’s hunky-dory : Mental Health Microskills to cover with Life ’s Inevitable Struggles . “For instance , maybe you could accept that you wo n’t see someone you ’re long for for a month . ”
Now identify something about your situation that you could change — or that you do n’t have to accept . “ take for something lowly here , ” Du Bois says . “ For example , you could change how much you communicate with the person you ’re longing for . ”
“ Typically , this combining of credence and variety will aid resolve at least a small of the soreness , ” he says .
5. Find New Ways to Stay in Touch
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Merolla says farseeing - aloofness kinship can also give brace an opportunity to communicate in newfangled and creative ways . “ You could send the other person a letter of the alphabet , ” he evoke . “ Handwritten letters are powerful because they take clip and require solitary focus on the recipient role , and they ’re also something tangible that lasts . ”
Of of course , there ’s always a risk of exaggerate it . “ You do n’t want to come on too strong , especially at the start of a fresh relationship , ” Merolla says .
If you think you may be texting , calling , or prove to communicate too oftentimes , he recommends following the other person ’s jumper lead — that is , trying to match their volume of texts or other communication with your own .
The Takeaway
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